No Longer On The Fence

The last couple of weeks have been interesting ones for our family!  Last week Gavin had his follow up at the Knights of Columbus Developmental Center.  Once again the Doctor was rather condescending.  She started out saying, "Soooo, I see here you have been to many different doctors and had different diagnosis'.  What do you think about him being diagnosed as PDD-NOS?"  I then replied that I agreed.  She asked "Has he made any improvements since the last time?"  She had this pinched look on her face.  "Yes, we’ve seen some improvements."  And before I could even finish she started a practical tirade about how "Children who truly have PDD-NOS make NO improvements.  That is what pervasive means."  I felt attacked, and I tried defending myself.

This is Gavin: 

• He has Expressive and Receptive Language Delays
• He exhibits strange repetitive behaviors (When at the store he often has to touch everything on the shelf, he will spend a lot of time doing this train motion, I know that typically they describe these behaviors as flapping arms and flicking his hands by his face.  I'm glad he doesn't struggle with this.)  It is hard enough when we are at the store and he spends the entire time as a train - insisting people get off of his track -the specific tiles on the floor.  Most people give an indulgent smile, but there are the few that don't quite get it.
• Repetitive interests and activities - He is obsessed with trains (as seen from my previous post).  When we go to the library he INSISTS on getting a train book.  I'm just grateful  that he likes to read the same book over and over and over again since their choices are so limited.  He will sit for quite some time drawing trains and tracks and buses. He always lines things up in a row.  Which interestingly the Doctor pointed out, as he was lining up his blocks, that this behavior is PDD-NOS - I was like YEAH!  But then she said something about how parents will research on line about what their child has and when they see a lot of symptoms they will self diagnose their child.  I didn't self diagnose my child.  His pediatrician thought he had PDD-NOS, two Neurologists agreed, the geneticist also thought so. His teachers can't quite figure him out because his behaviors and educational needs are so inconsistent.
• He prefers to play by himself.  I love how he will say "Play with me Mommy!" But as soon as I pick up a toy to join him he becomes indignant - he wants me to sit next to him and watch.  Not participate.  It wasn't until last year that he actually played with another child - and now he is rather picky on who he plays with (Normally are the children who join him in his pull out sessions at school).
• He struggles with correct social interactions - doesn't understand spacial needs, he doesn't know how to relate to his peers.  When a peer with get frustrated with him he will get right up in their face and study their facial expressions.  He will then laugh because he thinks their expression is funny.  He doesn't know how to "read" people.  

There are other things as well, and as I tried to point these out to the Doctor she brushed it all aside saying that all of his issues were related to his expressive and receptive learning disorder.  Suffice it to say I was extremely frustrated.

To add insult to injury I mentioned that I was concerned that Gavin would not have an IEP next year (His teachers mentioned it was a possibility because he is so inconsistent).  I mentioned that if he DIDN'T have an IEP next year I would pull him out of school and home school him myself.  I dont' think he would benefit AT ALL in a classroom of 30 kids with only one teacher.  She jumped ALL OVER ME.  She told me that it would be detrimental to his social skills, since that is something he struggles with.  Gavin does at times exhibit behavioral issues, and she said that Gavin would rebel against me teaching him and we would be like oil and vinegar.  I didn't agree with her, but at this point I was ready to blow my top.  

The last straw was when I mentioned that he had recently started Adderall  for his ADD.  Wow, she said she "ABSOLUTELY disagree that you should have him on Adderall before you try Applied Behavioral Analysis."  She then pulled out a workshop schedule on strategies for children with ASD (interesting!!).  

I was on the verge of exploding when the kids started acting up (Which made my anxiety go through the roof - she already thinks I need lessons on how to parent and here my kids are shrieking at each other over blocks.)  While Scott and I dealt with the meltdowns she left the room.  I NEEDED to get out of the room and went for a walk with the kiddos.  BEST THING EVER!!!!  Because when I returned the doctor was like a different person.  (Later come to find out my dearest hubby told her that he was recognizing the signs of an anxiety attack coming on.  She got downright nice and almost motherly!)

It was at this point that she started to make suggestions that were helpful that no longer felt confrontational. 

• She pointed out that if Gavin was placed in a resource room with other children who have Autism or PDD-NOS he would start to mimic their behavior (TRUE).  If he was in a "normal" classroom then he would mimic "acceptable" behavior (Those words kind of rub me the wrong way, don't you agree!!!!).  I thought about this and it is true - he does behave differently when his brother is with us, because he has an example to follow!!!
• She asked if I thought he was ready for Kindergarten.  I told her I thought he was, but that if he needed to repeat Kindergarten that I would hold him back.  She then suggested that if I felt he wasn't getting the support he needed that I try homeschooling him for that first year of Kindergarten (I wanted to kind of scream at that point because wasn't that what I said earlier????????)
• She also said that if Gavin didn't get the resources that he needed that we could call, they would have us come back, retest him, and place the "label" of PDD-NOS on his chart "Just to make sure he gets what he needs to succeed."  (I wanted to roll my eyes - instead I just smiled hugely and said "That would be great!!!!")

What it all came down too is that I think I was being oversensitive (probably true), because some of this didn't come across to Scott (and that happens quite a bit - I guess I don't interpret things the same way as he does).  I already came in with my walls up (and she had hers up because I did call and complain about her previous "WONDERFUL" bedside manner - she shouldn't have told me that I needed parenting classes because I let my two year old climb in and out of a wagon).  And I need to just relax as a parent!!!

On our way home Scott and I had a great discussion about what will happen next year with Gavin.  There is a HUGE part of me that still wants to Home-school him.  I love teaching, and since I am not in a classroom right now I want to practice my craft (thankfully I have Mia to teach for the next two years since she won't qualify for the school districts preschool program).  Scott is vehemently against this, always has been.  He has good solid reasons (Which I won't go into),  The plan is that he will go to Kindergarten next year and I will stay in close contact with his teacher.  I will find out the specific skills they are working on in class each week, ask for copies of classroom work so that we can do them over at home (repetition really is a good thing with him), I will volunteer in the classroom, and at night we will spend about 20-30 minutes having my own version of homeschooling - review, games that reinforce, and reading!!!  I'm no longer on the fence about homeschooling.  He will have both!!

Changing Gears

I have also been on the fence about having Gavin continue attending Head Start.  He goes to Head Start in the morning for social/emotional growth and he attends the School Districts Early Childhood Education Program for his social/emotional/educational growth (you have to qualify for this Title I program to be able to attend).  In December his Head Start teacher left because of personal reasons.  Since then he has had a slue of substitute teachers (which isn't good for my routine rich child).  Finally we were told that he would have the same two substitutes until they found a full time teacher (this was on Tuesday).  I wasn't happy about two teachers, but I could work with it.   Scott and I went back and forth on taking him out of Head Start - 

• He will be going to a full day of Kindergarten next year and this is a great way to prepare him for it.
• He loves the staff (those that are there on a consistent basis).
• He gets to play and interact with other children.

BUT   Wednesday I get there to drop him off and there is a new teacher.  The director changed directions!!  She decided that there would be a different teacher every day (same four teachers, but still!!!).  My child needs stability.  Although he was doing okay with meeting so many different teachers, and he LOVED his teachers aides and the kitchen staff (his favorite people) he was arriving at Community School (his afternoon school) wiped out!  It is at Community School that he gets his speech therapy, his cognitive therapy, PT, OT, etc.!!!!  In the past couple of weeks his teachers had noticed he was sliding backwards developmentally and emotionally.  We were seeing it at home as well.  I was no longer on the fence!  I let him finish out the day (We would have had a meltdown if I had taken him) but called that afternoon and pulled him out.  I called the principal at Community School and told her, she told me I did the right thing.  Talked to both his regular and Special Education teacher at Community School  - they both told me I did the right thing.  Talked to my husband - he said okay (which meant he was okay with it).  My mom and three of my sisters told me I did the right thing. 

 I still have moments of self doubt - but this morning he was able to sleep in a bit (he has a hard time sleeping through the night), I was able to work with both Mia and Gavin on the curriculum I have been developing for Mia (they are very close to being the same place developmentally).  I briefly mentioned that he would no longer be going to his morning school.  I was ready for a meltdown but thanks to his wonderful teachers at Community School (they mentioned to him that he would be staying home with Mommy in the morning and playing school before coming to them in the afternoon - thank you teachers for thinking about preparing him for a transition that could have proven difficult).  He shrugged it off and played with his trains.  While we played Alphabet Bingo he kept giggling.  "Mommy, are we playing school?"  I would smile and say "Yup"  He had a blast at home - and then really got excited about our adventure to the library.

Check in tomorrow at my other Blog Mommy Can We Read for more details of our first day!

Dealing with Disappointment

Today when Gavin got off the bus I checked his book bag, just as I do every day hoping for a new masterpiece.  Today there was just a notice that the last Steam Engine made for the Union Pacific (the Shiloh) would be stopping for a few minutes in town.  The weather was lovely, so we set out with the stroller (to keep Mia in check) to the old train depot.  Community members from all over Pacific congregated close to the train tracks.  My kiddos waited so patiently, with much excitement.

Can you see the train?  We almost didn't!!!

Finally, after what seemed like forever the kids heard the Steam Engines Whistle (I was surprised that it was much softer than modern day trains).  I tried capturing it on my too slow camera and than heard Gavin's wail of disappointment when it rushed by us, WITHOUT stopping.  I was disappointed that I didn't get a good picture, Mia was mildly upset, BUT poor Gavin!!!!  He is such a train lover.  As we walked home he kept coming back to "Why didn't the train stop?"  It is difficult to explain to a five year old the why's of things when you don't understand them yourself.  I let him be upset, to mourn the loss of this experience, and told him that I was sorry he was disappointed.  He often struggles with expressing himself verbally so I was proud of him when he said, "Mommy, I'm so disappointed that the train didn't stop."  It was a proud moment, in a sad snapshot of time.

How do you deal with disappointment?????

• Let them know their feelings are valid.  By allowing Gavin to express his disappointment in first tears, and eventually just a whine he knew that it was okay to feel disappointed.  Not only that, but by telling him that I too was disappointed it validated his feelings even more.  .
• Find a way to make up for the missed opportunity.  I had just spent the last two hours pumping Gavin and Mia up for the train to stop and getting a good look at it.  When it didn't pan out, I felt that part of it was my fault (although I had no control over the trains schedule.  Sometimes in this situation it is needful to come up with an alternative treat!  I explained that the next time his brother was with us we would make a trip to the Train museum and he could ride a train.  This didn't alleviate his disappointment, but it did give him something to look forward to.  
• Distraction!!!  I wasn't planning on heading to the park today, it was a balmy 87 degrees at 5pm and I was tired of being in the heat, BUT!!!!!  My child needed cheering up. 
• Give them Love.  When it comes down to it, sometimes just loving your child is the only way to deal with disappointment. 
• Give it time!!!
  

Yes, that is an expression of happiness on Gavin's face!

At the park Mia and Gavin played on the Merry-Go-Round, and played with a turtle.  It was wonderful to hear their squeals of glee, and nice for me too.  I got to talk to two previous students.  It was nice that they remembered me fondly, and reached out to say hello.









 Even after the park, after we had dinner, played in the tub and read our train book for bed, Gavin still hung on to the fact that the train didn't stop!  At this point all I could do was put my arms around him and give him the best Mommy hug I had within myself.  He went to bed still talking about his missed opportunity, but fixating on things is nothing new in our situation.  As we prayed he didn't mention the train (which was a miracle).  He talked about having fun at school, going to the park, and asking Heavenly Father if he could play the Caterpillar Game tomorrow.  You know the old saying - Time heals all wounds!  Gavin's wound is healing - the disappointment is lessening.  Tomorrow we will play the Caterpillar Game, and maybe head back to the park.  Who knows maybe we will go to the Train museum this weekend (We won't see Donovan for three more weeks because of spring break - but we'll go again this summer!) just so that he gets his train experience.

Insomnia

Have you ever had so much on your mind that when you lie down to sleep more just keeps popping up and you find yourself still awake at four o'clock in the morning????  That is me today!  So I thought I would write down some of what is running through my head and hope that I can then sleep for a couple of hours before I have to get Gavin off to school.

So here it goes:

1. A friend of mine from my mission now does online scrap-booking through Heritage Makers.  I have been looking into it, and I love the idea of making books using pictures of our family as keepsakes, and learning tools.  My first project that I am going to work on to completion is a flip-book that has pictures of my side of the family.  My kids know their paternal cousins, aunts and uncles - but not my side very well.  It comes from living so far away.  I am excited to start this project and I will share it when I am done.  I have an idea of how I want to begin - I'm hoping my sisters will cooperate and give me current pictures of their kids and some stuff they like = this way my kids will get to know a little about their cousins.
2. I have been debating whether or not to Home-school next year.  I want to, Scott isn't too keen on the idea.  Our school district is a good one for elementary school - but I really just want to do it myself.  I think we need to pray and fast about it!!!
3. In the past three months Gavin has not had a steady teacher at head start.  They find someone, they work for a week and then quit - because the pay isn't so hot!  In between these teachers they alternate the same two substitute teachers every other day.  I don't like the inconsistency, and am thinking about pulling him out and just having him go to his afternoon preschool class.
4. I want to start a more consistent preschool curriculum with Amelia - I just found a program I did with Gavin last year and am going to modify it for her.
5. I want to start prepping for this summer's curriculum with the kids over the summer.
6. I want to be more structured with my two blogs.  
7. On Mommy Can We Read I have decided to continue writing my Cinderella Series - I'm going to make it a Cinderella Story each month and each week I will write one post covering a review, culture, and then literacy activities.  I also want to have specific days where I write a post on the five stepping stones of literacy - phonemic awareness, phonics, vocabulary, comprehension, and fluency.  I also want to write a post reviewing the weeks activities with the kids.
8. I need to organize my house - do a thorough spring cleaning.  I still have some of Gavin's and Mia's baby clothes!  Geez!!!!
9. I really need to lose weight and I have the tools I just need to use them.
10. I need to find a job.

See, too much on my mind.  

Weightloss Wednesday Link Up March 16

I have to admit that I haven't done very well with my goals.  Why was it so much easier when I was pregnant????  After Amelia was born I saw my dietician one more time.  She gave me a food chart that spelled out what I should be doing.  I put them in a binder with every intention of using them (even made a bunch of copies!!!) Well, as you can guess - the binder got lost, the diet never followed and 70 pounds put back on.  Yesterday I was organizing my bookshelves.  I found a binder that had phonics activities in it and got really excited.  I wondered where those had gone!!!  Then I got REALLY excited.  For some reason I put my menu plans behind it.  How weird is that!!!!

So,  here is my personal meal plan:
Total Calories = 1800
15 carbohydrate exchanges or 225 grams
6 meats
50-60 grams of fat
3 meals
3 snacks

Saturday is a good day to start (considering it is now 10pm Friday night!)

Goals for this week:

1. Follow my personal meal plan
2. Drink a gallon of water
3. Scott is home during the days again so every day during Mia's nap I will ride my bike (unless it rains).

Linked up with Mary at Winecup Christian Academy

St. Louis Science Center

Twice a year Scott's work schedule differs vastly from normal.  He works at the St. Louis Temple as a Custodial Assistant Supervisor for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  His normal schedule is Monday through Friday from 9pm to 6am.  Twice a year the Temple closes for two weeks for deep cleaning, allowing patrons to volunteer to help do cleaning that doesn't normally get done (Like the chandeliers).  For this time he works from 11am-10pm.  The only real advantage is that he is home at night.  This schedule he really doesn't see much of the kiddos - so on Saturday we decided to do something special.  After our normal trip to Costco we headed to the St. Louis Science Center.

The St. Louis Science Center is one of the free attractions that we can do as a family.  Granted some of the neatest parts of the Science Center costs extra (Planetarium, Discovery Room, and special attractions).  We want to make it to the Star Trek Expedition, hopefully we will make it back by the end of May!!!

Math

 One of the first things we saw was a teenager volunteering for Pi Day.  They had things set up at different zones of the Science Center where the kids could do hands on math projects.  Donovan wanted to figure out how many balls were in the container and together the two of us worked it out.  He got to use a calculator for the first time - which I found odd, but okay!!  The young man said that the two of us had one of the closest answers all day.  That made me smile!!!  Instead of using a ruler to measure the container we used the six balls, added two more and then figured out the rest. 

Volume = Pi x Hight x radius squared

We then went to the flight simulator and Amelia got drive a plane.  She kept crashing it into the ground.  Scott got it through the St. Louis Arch three times!!

Mia Flying a plane

Ancient Egypt

Child Mummy

I was fascinated by this Child Mummy.  I guess you could say I have always been intrigued by Egyptian History.  THis is the actual artifact (Sad to call him an artifact, he was a beloved child 2000 years ago) given to the Science Center in 1985.  He was "acquired" in the 1900's by a Missouri Dentist.  He is part of the most extensive archeological study in recent history.  In 2006 Mallinckrodt Institute of Radiology and Washington School of Medicine began to take CT scan 3D models, DNA testing, and carbon dating of this little guy.  What they know for sure is that he was about 7-8 months old when he died.  He lived around 40 B.C. and 130 A.D.  They are attempting to trace his ancestry through DNA (which is difficult at best).  I believe that he was well loved, for it was expensive to get him mummified!

I stood there awhile, looking at his precious face and thinking about how devastated his parents must have been at his loss.  I wondered how he received the fatal wound on his head.  How peaceful he looks.

Dinosaurs

Around the corner from this little guy stood the mechanical dinosaurs.  Mia wanted nothing to do with them.  I also love Dinosaurs so we headed into a room where fossils could be touched and handled.  We had to leave before we were ready though because Mia could see the Dinotrons and she kept saying "Scary Dinosaur".  Poor thing.

Gavin thought it was funny that he got to hold Dino Poop!

Daddy and Mia looking at a Mastodon Molar

Paleontologist actually cleaning a T-Rex tooth

We went through many other areas, Donovan and Dad were fascinated by electricity, the kids had a blast in the sound room, and loved creating an arch out of blocks.  Had a great video for that, but for some reason am having issues uploading (sigh!!!).

Before the arch fell on top of them

It was a good four hours at the Science Center.  As we left we took pictures by the Dinosaur statues.  Mia had no trouble with them, they weren't trying to eat her!

Donovan upset that the park won't let him climb up.

He was told not to feed the Triceratops, but he wouldn't listen!

New Learning Goals for Gavin

Thursday I opened Gavin's book bag and was greeted by his newest Individualized Education Program (IEP).  It was really exciting to see the great leaps and bounds he has made in the past year and a half.  The first file contained the previous years goals and notes that his different teachers took.

Occupational Therapy

February 2011

• He struggled with holding scissors correctly, progressed with fasteners and buttons and snaps, taking turns, didn't know a single color and couldn't count to 5 (let alone 10), his vocabulary was incredibly limited, his gross motor skills worried his teachers, and many other little things.  When he first began therapy he really struggled with being verbal.  One of the main skills they wanted to work on was the ability to put items in categories.  He struggled with putting items such as animals and food in their category.  Instead he would group them by what he liked and disliked.  He struggled with spatial concepts and following directions

 February 2012

• He now will tolerate 15 minutes of upper body strengthening - which aides him in his gymnastics at the Little Gym!!! 
• He makes good attempts to hold his pencils and crayons but always reverts to this weird way of holding his writing utensils.  (His dad has the same grip). 
• Gavin has improved on taking turns, but hasn't met his goal   LOL, we have this problem at home too.  We are working on it daily - but he isn't very patient!
•  He now knows all the basic colors, and his basic shapes.  He counts to 13.  (he then consistently goes 16, 21, 14, 15 . . . )it cracks me up how he gets into his own pattern and sticks to it.  Last week he started to count, paused at 13 and then went to 19.  Oh, I was so proud of him
• A year later now has a good understanding of spatial concepts (He is so close to his goal - he is 70/80%  Way to go Gavin).  He knows large medium and small 100%, he struggles with two step directives.  
• Gavin struggles with who, what, when, where, and why questions.  He often gets this lost look, or will answer with something completely off the wall.   The speech therapist mentioned that he is very inconsistent with the goal.  There will be some days that he will answer the questions at 100% and then others he just misses the mark completely.  The great news is he is labeling his vocabulary words correctly most of the time.  It is so neat to know that a year and a half ago his vocabulary was around 100 words and now we can have an entire conversation with him.  
• Over the year Gavin can now catch a ball both while he is sitting and standing, and he has increased his throwing ability.
• He has met all of his gross motor skill goals. Yipee!

New Goals
Here is a list of his goals for the next six months (He will have a new IEP for Kindergarten)

•  Hold his pencil correctly
• hold scissors correctly and cut a 3 inch sized object with less than 1/2" deviation
• be able to perform a variety of manipulatives (Stringing, lacing, fasteners)
• Count by rote to 20 and be able to count 15 objects.
• improve appropriate classroom behavior (wait his turn, stay in his own space, share toys)
• point to pictures/objects when presented a descriptive/concept word (Hard/soft, same/different, long/short, empty/full)
• sequence 3-4 picture cards
• Identify groups of items that belong together (clothes, food, animals, etc.)
• He will verbalize social acceptable behaviors (wait my turn, don't interrupt verbally, don't touch game or person).
• He will sequence 3-4 picture cards using a simple sentence in imitation and then with prompts.
• Label nouns, verbs, and adjectives in picture cards
• Work on throwing to a target, underhanded, and overhanded.
• Hop on one foot, in linear fashion.  Walk on a line or balance beam for 8 ft (he hates the balance beam, he is afraid he will fall off.  We are working on that one at little gym).

I think these are great goals.  What I love about getting his IEP is that I know specific things that he is working on at school and it gives me a guide as to what to work with him at home as well.