The last couple of weeks have been interesting ones for our family! Last
week Gavin had his follow up at the Knights of Columbus Developmental
Center. Once again the Doctor was rather condescending. She started
out saying, "Soooo, I see here you have been to many different doctors and
had different diagnosis'. What do you think about him being diagnosed as
PDD-NOS?" I then replied that I agreed. She asked "Has he
made any improvements since the last time?" She had this pinched look on her face.
"Yes, we’ve seen some improvements." And before I could even
finish she started a practical tirade about how "Children who truly have
PDD-NOS make NO improvements. That is what pervasive
means." I felt attacked, and I tried defending myself.
This is Gavin:
- He has Expressive and Receptive Language Delays
- He exhibits strange repetitive behaviors (When at the store he often has to touch everything on the shelf, he will spend a lot of time doing this train motion, I know that typically they describe these behaviors as flapping arms and flicking his hands by his face. I'm glad he doesn't struggle with this.) It is hard enough when we are at the store and he spends the entire time as a train - insisting people get off of his track -the specific tiles on the floor. Most people give an indulgent smile, but there are the few that don't quite get it.
- Repetitive interests and activities - He is obsessed with trains (as seen from my previous post). When we go to the library he INSISTS on getting a train book. I'm just grateful that he likes to read the same book over and over and over again since their choices are so limited. He will sit for quite some time drawing trains and tracks and buses. He always lines things up in a row. Which interestingly the Doctor pointed out, as he was lining up his blocks, that this behavior is PDD-NOS - I was like YEAH! But then she said something about how parents will research on line about what their child has and when they see a lot of symptoms they will self diagnose their child. I didn't self diagnose my child. His pediatrician thought he had PDD-NOS, two Neurologists agreed, the geneticist also thought so. His teachers can't quite figure him out because his behaviors and educational needs are so inconsistent.
- He prefers to play by himself. I love how he will say "Play with me Mommy!" But as soon as I pick up a toy to join him he becomes indignant - he wants me to sit next to him and watch. Not participate. It wasn't until last year that he actually played with another child - and now he is rather picky on who he plays with (Normally are the children who join him in his pull out sessions at school).
- He struggles with correct social interactions - doesn't understand spacial needs, he doesn't know how to relate to his peers. When a peer with get frustrated with him he will get right up in their face and study their facial expressions. He will then laugh because he thinks their expression is funny. He doesn't know how to "read" people.
There
are other things as well, and as I tried to point these out to the
Doctor she brushed it all aside saying that all of his issues were
related to his expressive and receptive learning disorder. Suffice it
to say I was extremely frustrated.
To add insult to injury
I mentioned that I was concerned that Gavin would not have an IEP next
year (His teachers mentioned it was a possibility because he is so
inconsistent). I mentioned that if he DIDN'T have an IEP next year I
would pull him out of school and home school him myself. I dont' think
he would benefit AT ALL in a classroom of 30 kids with only one
teacher. She jumped ALL OVER ME. She told me that it would be
detrimental to his social skills, since that is something he struggles
with. Gavin does at times exhibit behavioral issues, and she said that
Gavin would rebel against me teaching him and we would be like oil and
vinegar. I didn't agree with her, but at this point I was ready to blow
my top.
The last straw was when I mentioned that he
had recently started Adderall for his ADD. Wow, she said she
"ABSOLUTELY disagree that you should have him on Adderall before you try
Applied Behavioral Analysis." She then pulled out a workshop schedule
on strategies for children with ASD (interesting!!).
I
was on the verge of exploding when the kids started acting up (Which
made my anxiety go through the roof - she already thinks I need lessons
on how to parent and here my kids are shrieking at each other over
blocks.) While Scott and I dealt with the meltdowns she left the room.
I NEEDED to get out of the room and went for a walk with the kiddos.
BEST THING EVER!!!! Because when I returned the doctor was like a
different person. (Later come to find out my dearest hubby told her
that he was recognizing the signs of an anxiety attack coming on. She
got downright nice and almost motherly!)
It was at this point that she started to make suggestions that were helpful that no longer felt confrontational.
- She pointed out that if Gavin was placed in a resource room with other children who have Autism or PDD-NOS he would start to mimic their behavior (TRUE). If he was in a "normal" classroom then he would mimic "acceptable" behavior (Those words kind of rub me the wrong way, don't you agree!!!!). I thought about this and it is true - he does behave differently when his brother is with us, because he has an example to follow!!!
- She asked if I thought he was ready for Kindergarten. I told her I thought he was, but that if he needed to repeat Kindergarten that I would hold him back. She then suggested that if I felt he wasn't getting the support he needed that I try homeschooling him for that first year of Kindergarten (I wanted to kind of scream at that point because wasn't that what I said earlier????????)
- She also said that if Gavin didn't get the resources that he needed that we could call, they would have us come back, retest him, and place the "label" of PDD-NOS on his chart "Just to make sure he gets what he needs to succeed." (I wanted to roll my eyes - instead I just smiled hugely and said "That would be great!!!!")
What it all came down
too is that I think I was being oversensitive (probably true), because
some of this didn't come across to Scott (and that happens quite a bit -
I guess I don't interpret things the same way as he does). I already
came in with my walls up (and she had hers up because I did call and
complain about her previous "WONDERFUL" bedside manner - she shouldn't
have told me that I needed parenting classes because I let my two year
old climb in and out of a wagon). And I need to just relax as a
parent!!!
On our way home Scott and I had a great
discussion about what will happen next year with Gavin. There is a HUGE
part of me that still wants to Home-school him. I love teaching, and
since I am not in a classroom right now I want to practice my craft
(thankfully I have Mia to teach for the next two years since she won't
qualify for the school districts preschool program). Scott is
vehemently against this, always has been. He has good solid reasons
(Which I won't go into), The plan is that he will go to Kindergarten
next year and I will stay in close contact with his teacher. I will
find out the specific skills they are working on in class each week, ask
for copies of classroom work so that we can do them over at home
(repetition really is a good thing with him), I will volunteer in the
classroom, and at night we will spend about 20-30 minutes having my own
version of homeschooling - review, games that reinforce, and reading!!!
I'm no longer on the fence about homeschooling. He will have both!!
Changing Gears
I
have also been on the fence about having Gavin continue attending Head
Start. He goes to Head Start in the morning for social/emotional growth
and he attends the School Districts Early Childhood Education Program
for his social/emotional/educational growth (you have to qualify for
this Title I program to be able to attend). In December his Head Start
teacher left because of personal reasons. Since then he has had a slue
of substitute teachers (which isn't good for my routine rich child).
Finally we were told that he would have the same two substitutes until
they found a full time teacher (this was on Tuesday). I wasn't happy
about two teachers, but I could work with it. Scott and I went back
and forth on taking him out of Head Start -
- He will be going to a full day of Kindergarten next year and this is a great way to prepare him for it.
- He loves the staff (those that are there on a consistent basis).
- He gets to play and interact with other children.
BUT
Wednesday I get there to drop him off and there is a new teacher.
The
director changed directions!! She decided that there would be a
different teacher every day (same four teachers, but still!!!). My
child needs stability. Although he was doing okay with meeting so many
different teachers, and he LOVED his teachers aides and the kitchen
staff (his favorite people) he was arriving at Community School (his
afternoon school) wiped out! It is at Community School that he gets his
speech therapy, his cognitive therapy, PT, OT, etc.!!!! In the past
couple of weeks his teachers had noticed he was sliding backwards
developmentally and emotionally. We were seeing it at home as well. I
was no longer on the fence! I let him finish out the day (We would have
had a meltdown if I had taken him) but called that afternoon and pulled
him out. I called the principal at Community School and told her, she
told me I did the right thing. Talked to both his regular and Special
Education teacher at Community School - they both told me I did the
right thing. Talked to my husband - he said okay (which meant he was
okay with it). My mom and three of my sisters told me I did the right
thing.
I still have moments of self doubt - but this morning he was
able to sleep in a bit (he has a hard time sleeping through the night), I
was able to work with both Mia and Gavin on the curriculum I have been
developing for Mia (they are very close to being the same place
developmentally). I briefly mentioned that he would no longer be going
to his morning school. I was ready for a meltdown but thanks to his
wonderful teachers at Community School (they mentioned to him that he
would be staying home with Mommy in the morning and playing school
before coming to them in the afternoon - thank you teachers for thinking
about preparing him for a transition that could have proven
difficult). He shrugged it off and played with his trains. While we
played Alphabet Bingo he kept giggling. "Mommy, are we playing
school?" I would smile and say "Yup" He had a blast at home - and then
really got excited about our adventure to the library.
No comments:
Post a Comment