Dealing with Disappointment

Today when Gavin got off the bus I checked his book bag, just as I do every day hoping for a new masterpiece.  Today there was just a notice that the last Steam Engine made for the Union Pacific (the Shiloh) would be stopping for a few minutes in town.  The weather was lovely, so we set out with the stroller (to keep Mia in check) to the old train depot.  Community members from all over Pacific congregated close to the train tracks.  My kiddos waited so patiently, with much excitement.

Can you see the train?  We almost didn't!!!

Finally, after what seemed like forever the kids heard the Steam Engines Whistle (I was surprised that it was much softer than modern day trains).  I tried capturing it on my too slow camera and than heard Gavin's wail of disappointment when it rushed by us, WITHOUT stopping.  I was disappointed that I didn't get a good picture, Mia was mildly upset, BUT poor Gavin!!!!  He is such a train lover.  As we walked home he kept coming back to "Why didn't the train stop?"  It is difficult to explain to a five year old the why's of things when you don't understand them yourself.  I let him be upset, to mourn the loss of this experience, and told him that I was sorry he was disappointed.  He often struggles with expressing himself verbally so I was proud of him when he said, "Mommy, I'm so disappointed that the train didn't stop."  It was a proud moment, in a sad snapshot of time.

How do you deal with disappointment?????

• Let them know their feelings are valid.  By allowing Gavin to express his disappointment in first tears, and eventually just a whine he knew that it was okay to feel disappointed.  Not only that, but by telling him that I too was disappointed it validated his feelings even more.  .
• Find a way to make up for the missed opportunity.  I had just spent the last two hours pumping Gavin and Mia up for the train to stop and getting a good look at it.  When it didn't pan out, I felt that part of it was my fault (although I had no control over the trains schedule.  Sometimes in this situation it is needful to come up with an alternative treat!  I explained that the next time his brother was with us we would make a trip to the Train museum and he could ride a train.  This didn't alleviate his disappointment, but it did give him something to look forward to.  
• Distraction!!!  I wasn't planning on heading to the park today, it was a balmy 87 degrees at 5pm and I was tired of being in the heat, BUT!!!!!  My child needed cheering up. 
• Give them Love.  When it comes down to it, sometimes just loving your child is the only way to deal with disappointment. 
• Give it time!!!
  

Yes, that is an expression of happiness on Gavin's face!

At the park Mia and Gavin played on the Merry-Go-Round, and played with a turtle.  It was wonderful to hear their squeals of glee, and nice for me too.  I got to talk to two previous students.  It was nice that they remembered me fondly, and reached out to say hello.









 Even after the park, after we had dinner, played in the tub and read our train book for bed, Gavin still hung on to the fact that the train didn't stop!  At this point all I could do was put my arms around him and give him the best Mommy hug I had within myself.  He went to bed still talking about his missed opportunity, but fixating on things is nothing new in our situation.  As we prayed he didn't mention the train (which was a miracle).  He talked about having fun at school, going to the park, and asking Heavenly Father if he could play the Caterpillar Game tomorrow.  You know the old saying - Time heals all wounds!  Gavin's wound is healing - the disappointment is lessening.  Tomorrow we will play the Caterpillar Game, and maybe head back to the park.  Who knows maybe we will go to the Train museum this weekend (We won't see Donovan for three more weeks because of spring break - but we'll go again this summer!) just so that he gets his train experience.